School Schmool

Remember my post about being called to homeschool?  Yah, looks like it was for a year...for now.  What I love about my loving God is that He is not stagnant; He always has a plan but it is not predictable or boring.  I am wondering if He called me to keep Munch at home for one more year for specific reasons; things like, to spend more time with my dad whose health is failing right now or to learn more in regards to character building or maybe it was to protect Munch from something. We won't know until Heaven.  That being said, it was wonderful, difficult and a growing experience for both of us.

I don't plan to go into a lot of detail on our decision but I will say that I know God is in it and is providing for us.  Not only have I had to give up the idea of homeschooling for now but I was not able to get Munch into the school we had hoped for; the one where we had built strong friendships at.  I literally registered him at this present school not knowing of one single family who would be joining us there.  For a girl who knew every kid in every year of school, that was tough. I cried a lot.  BUT...God provided.  Munch has made great friends and I have met some wonderful moms and we love his teacher and his school.  I am wondering if he wouldn't love school so much if he hadn't experience homeschooling first.  He really seems to appreciate the independence, the competition of being in a class and the change of pace from home to school.  We have witnessed some wonderful growth in Munch and are starting to see him blossom into his own person.  There is the new struggle of dealing with a culture that is quite different from our homes'...things like celebrating zombies and Halloween but those are just great conversations to be had with Munch.  (God knows the battle and has prepared us prayerfully thus far.  We know that we cannot shelter our kids, I just like to lessen the battle as much as possible.). 

So, this is where we are at right now.  I love all ways of schooling...I think there is value and need for all of them.  I think that God knows what each family, or rather, what each child needs and will lead us accordingly.  I am grateful for that, even if it can be difficult and uncomfortable.  Next year could be altogether different.  How exciting!

Buying a house? Some things to think about if you have or plan to havekids....

I know it's fun but don't scratch the floors! 

When we bought our present home we had a three year-old and a one year-old.  Maybe it was that I had not yet recovered from baby brain or maybe it was that I was tired of looking at homes, but I look back now and say, "Angela, what were you thinking?"  This was our third home but I didn't have a say in the first one because Ryan built before we were together (I came along when he was picking out light fixtures) and the second home we knew was temporary so didn't care as much.  We had tile and lighter coloured cupboards in our first home, laminate and dark cupboards in our second.  I could give you pros and cons to both.  Then with this next home  I was totally cool with custom hardwood. Now I do remember seeing the deep scratches from the previous owners Rottweiler and thought, "Okay, that takes the pressure off to keep them perfect."  However, I never imagined the stress they would put on me as a mother.  So, if this can help anyone in what to look for, use it.  There will always be good and bad in every home and every person, family or household is different but here are some things I learned from owning a home and 3 1/2 children.

1. Flooring. I understand that our parents had linoleum when we were kids because laminate did not yet exist and hardwood was more expensive but it really was the wiser choice for families with kids. Yes, there was always the risk of putting a dent or chip in the linoleum but really it was pretty durable and could stand a little water.  I find as much as hardwood is nice to look at when it is clean, and that just doesn't happen often, it is horrible with kids and water. If you do get hard wood, try to find a brand that holds up to water well...if that exists.  Also, find a hardwood that has a variety of color to hide the dirt that is inevitable. Yesterday, I had 7 pairs of little feet running in and out after first running through chalky sidewalks and the floor was a mess! When we had tile, I complained it was cold but I think that that is what I would go with again.  It takes water and dropped toys and pots well.

2. Dark cupboards....who came up with that? I am glad it's on its way out, however we are not planning a renovation anytime soon.  It may be the stain or finish on the cupboards but they just don't seem to come clean.  They hold grease and dust and anything that we have prepared in the kitchen that day.  They are so nice when it's just the two of you and there is time to wipe up a splash but when there are kids running around, that yogurt may just stay a long time.  I have a friend who bought white cupboards from IKEA and says they are great for cleaning.  So, ask about how the cupboards clean, maybe even bring a tube of mustard and give it a try.  

3. Stainless steel appliances.  Aughh! When we buy a house we often buy thinking about the resale (my forward-thinking husband).  For that reason, unless the whole world wises up, we will have to put up with stinkin stainless steel because people seem to want it. They look all shiny and fabulous when they come out of the box, but most everyone would agree that they are the bain of one's existence soon after. Finger prints is one thing but what I find is sucky with kids is the scratches.  There are stainless steel appliances that are not magnetic...buy those! In our second home, a thoughtful family member bought our one year-old a Leap Frog fridge toy.  She stuck it on the fridge for him, along with all the parts of the farm animals and Munch played for the longest time as happy as can be.  A day later....we saw them....the deep scratches that would forever scar our shiny stainless steel fridge forever.  I went on the Internet to find a secret to magically take the gouges away but it was what it was. You might want to ask yourself, is it worth it, really?

4. A deck with no stairs.  By this time, you may think I hate my home or that I am superficial to be griping about my first-world problems.  I want to stress that I love our home, am grateful for it and recognize we are beyond blessed.  My point for these tips comes later.  I also want to use what I have learned to help other moms and dads choose wisely for their home and so I continue.  

Walk-outs are nice but I think most families would agree that a deck off of the kitchen is wonderful for both the kids and parents.  Your kids are more comfortable with going outside to play knowing that mom is close and you are less stressed knowing you can access them and SEE them if something goes wrong.  In all honesty, it is isn't easy or comfortable for "most" kids to run down the stairs to the basement to get out to the backyard.  In our circumstance, we had people living in the basement so it was not even a possibility.  I was frustrated that the boys had to go out the front and around to the back.  I would sit at the back window and wait for their little faces to appear and if not, would need to go out to see what side-tracked them along the way.  Luckily now, our older kids play in the front with the kids in the neighborhood on a street that is on the quieter side.  It is still stressful with the littles though.  

5. How many Cupboards. If you can help it, pick a house with a lot of cupboards.  I tired to tell myself I had too much stuff anyway and that if need be, I could buy a hutch. Yah, no....I lack cupboard space and I would consider myself a minimalist in the kitchen (with the exception of our one too many coffee making appliances that take up all of our counter space.). 

With all of this in mind,  I would simply ask you to consider what is more important: 

Is it worth going with the trends and risk being frustrated with your kids, your pets or your husband for just living?  Can you handle the sudsy water collecting under your child's chair as they joyfully help you wash dishes or are you going to ban them from the sinks because they may ruin your precious floors? Are you going to be able to maintain the look that these items first had when you resell or will it all need to be replaced anyway because they were well-worn.  Where do you want to spend the bulk of your time? What will allow your kids just to be kids and you to love that about them?  

Can this fancy stuff wait?  Will it be out of date soon anyway? 

Don't let the charm and beauty of a new home put you in a stupid trance that will have you marching around like a crazy lady screeching and wagging your finger at everyone in your family.  Be realistic, be practical or save up for one heck of a house cleaner!

If you have other great tips for new home buyers, please share.  These are just a few things I learned.  If we can help just one new mom from losing her mind, it will all be worth it. 

Have a great week! 

I Washed my Pillows...

...and I am super excited! I know, I am a closet clean geek.  Maybe you knew that we can wash pillows...but I didn't.  Not only can you wash them but they can be made white again.  Eeee! Pinterest has taught me a lot of cleaning possibilities.  

So, here's the method I used.  It comes from One Good Thing by Jilly.  I didn't do before and after....but she did and my results were pretty much the same. Happy washing! 

Coming Back Small

It has been waaaay too long since I last posted.  Let me be frank and say that I have been in a bit of a slump.  Since my purpose in making this blog was to be real about being a mom, I need to say it has been a struggle these last six or so months.  I tend to struggle through the toddler years and Little Goose is in them full force.  The screaming and hitting between him and Bubblegum who is just coming out of the Terrible Threes (oh new moms, I know we say terrible two but hang on to your hats!), was overwhelming me beyond comprehension...then we found out I was pregnant! 

Now, I can't say I was too surprised because, as I learned with my other pregnancies, you can't be surprised when you aren't taking major preventative measures.  I find people who are writing a book on a particular subject tend to go through whatever they are writing about. Well, a few years back I used to teach abstinence based sex education where I repeatedly pounded into kids' heads that SEX MAKES BABIES and that sometimes there is just nothing that can get in the way of that fact.  I guess I am living out what I preach. Needless to say, we are excited for our fourth boy to join our family at the end of October.  

Anyway, my hormones have been crazy and I am very busy with these kids and it has left me...empty; not really feeling like I have much to give.  My confidence had been weakened by the constant battles with my boys. I thought, "Who...am I...to give advice or encouragement to moms?"  I just needed some growing time, time to be ministered to by The Lord and time to rest.  Just in the last few days have I felt like I had something to write about.  I am going to start out small here. Hopefully this is the start of some good stuff.  

One thing I wanted to chat about was...

feelings of inadequacy in regards to housework in comparison to our moms

First off, I am just not my mom.  She loves housework. She actually does it  with a smile on her face and a glide in her step.  She says I came out more like her sister...messy and creative. So in that, I just have to realize that 1. Sometimes there is a personality difference there. 

A huge thing I realized though, while scrubbing the third toilet in our house is 

2. Most of our moms did not have to clean houses as big as ours! 

We lived in a mobile home with one bathroom until I was 12. That's one toilet, one main living room and one floor!  

Our generation and our ridiculous need for a bathroom for each family member, a room for sitting, a room for a t.v. and a room for playing plus double sinks, hardwood floors and stainless steel appliances has created this craziness!  No wonder my mother-in-law could get her housework done first thing in ONE morning! There wasn't as much to clean!  No wonder they could clean windows, curtains and baseboards...they were't swamped with too much clothing to wash and 5 sinks to scrub.  Get a smaller house or give yourself a bit of a break. You can't be your mom...she lived in another time...a simpler time.  

That's all I have today. It's good to be back. I missed you.  

Stay tuned for an inside look on another professional mom, my good friend and photographer, Karina Hiller of Oohlala Photography. 

Foto Friday

I love whoever invented Lego . It may be a pain to clean up but it provides hours of quiet entertainment. 

I am happy that these two are starting to warm up to each other. They are great fighters and huggers. 

We broke out the bouncy house on the front lawn this week. I learned that to avoid injury, it must be off by the time the big boys in the neighbourhood getout of school. 

This is why my phone needs to be out of the way during the day. Little Goose is starting to get the tech crazies!! 

The best way to keep the eyes water-free. 

Have a great weekend! 

-Angela 

Dear Me,

 Dear Me, 

I know you have been struggling.  I can see it in your face.  You are feeling weary and hopeless.  I heard you when you grumbled under your breath about life "before".  I also heard you when you uttered to yourself about not being cut out for this.  
Remember that job you struggled through; that challenged you every minute, with every new and old task?  Remember how you grumbled about it and fantasized about leaving during meetings and remember how you had your mind made up that you just couldn't do it?  Yah, and then remember how you did quit and well, felt better for only a short time?  Remember how after you were gone, you looked back and realized the job wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time and how you really missed all the good things about it...and all the benefits to it? 
Well, this is kind of like that...but not.  You can't quit this job of parenting.  This isn't a career. This is a life calling.  You are right when you say you can't do it though.  You can't do it alone.  You are struggling right now because you are not relying on Jesus to carry you and teach you and humble you.  Just like that job and many other jobs you quit, you are resisting the discomfort and pain that bring growth and character.  However, if you just accepted the present discomfort; took joy in it because it is doing a work in you that is wonderful and eternal, then you would not be so weary.  
You see, you bought into the lie that life is supposed to be easy and care-free and pain-free. You of all people, should know life is not pain-free. Yet, in this area of parenting, you are really digging in your heals.  Girl, you got to let go of self.  You have little ones who are depending on your selflessness and sacrifice so that they can grow into selfless and strong adults one day.  You need to get over yourself, stop buying into the lie that life is about you.  Stop complaining, stop grumbling and for goodness sake, stop your pouting.  It's time to grow up little girl.  
I am not trying to be mean to you but tell you the truth in love.  The sooner you let go of your entitlement and selfishness, the happier and more fulfilled you will feel as a mom.  Once you take joy in cleaning up little dishes, wiping bums and kissing boo-boos, you will feel freer than you ever have.  Trust God with your desires.  His Word says that if you give them to Him, He will take care of them for you.  Admit that you are not capable of doing this job well on your own; but don't stop there.  That is just defeat.  There is victory in then asking the Lord for his help.  He is waiting to help you.  They are more his kids than yours. Don't you think he wants to give you all that you need to raise his kids up to love him and live for him well?  Lastly, trust him.  Trust that when you ask for his help that you have received it then walk in confidence.  If you make a mistake, which you will, remember that He is bigger than that and will make it work for your good and for the good of those who love Him.  
You are right. Being an adult is not what you imagined.  The responsibility is down right hard some days. Now that you have faced that, put on your big girl panties and make the best of it. People all around you are every day.  You can do it.  You can grow up right here.  It's never too late.  Okay? Okay.  I love you.  I believe in you.  We can do this Momma.  It's going to be alright.  

Love, 
Yourself. 

Profile on an Expert Mom

Several months ago I featured my friend and sleep coach, Michelle Todd of Whisper Sweet Baby Sleep Consulting.  She has since relocated from Edmonton to Calgary and has been seeing great success in her sleep consulting business.  I know that you will enjoy learning more about her and all that she has to know about getting the littles to sleep.

Layla(3), Michelle, Paxton(5) and Brody

What did you do before Whisper Sweet and how did you get into sleep consulting?

Before Whisper Sweet I was an Application Specialist for Cardinal Health (not very exciting, I know).  I got into child sleep consulting after discovering first hand how life changing it is to go from being exhausted all the time to finally getting a full night's sleep. My own experience had let me to do a lot of research and I had a huge desire to share what I'd learned.  I found a great Sleep Consultant training program, and the rest is history!

What are your favourite sleep and parenting books? 
Good Night, Sleep tight by Kim West, The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg,  Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth and favorite parenting book would be "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso.

More on the personal side, what is a family activity you enjoy? 
Day hikes in the mountains. 
 
Do your kids sleep? 

I got into this profession because of my first born - he gave us a run for our money! With my second I armed myself with a lot of research, to avoid making the same mistakes I made the first time. I wanted to do it "right" -  from the beginning. It was amazing. She was sleeping 12 hours a night before 3 months of age. They are both good sleepers now.

How do you sleep? 
I sleep well when I follow the rules of adult sleep hygiene (stick to the same bedtime/wake-up time, no t.v. before bed, etc.) I'm happy to offer advice to adults as well.

What is the common problem with children and sleep?

There are so many factors that affect sleep. A big one is children getting overtired. I advise parents to watch their children very closely for any signs of tiredness, whether that's yawning, rubbing their eyes, getting a 'glazed look', or many other indicators. If they can get their children down at night (and for naps!) before they get overtired the process will be much smoother. 
Once children are overtired they get a second wind and have a hard time falling asleep. Most children do well with a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30 (sometimes later if the child is still having a good nap in the day). Parents should note that the bedroom should be very dark - especially this time of year when the sun is up for longer. Blackout blinds (or anything that effectively covers the windows) are a necessity. A dim night light is ok, only if the child seems to need it.
I might also add that 'tired signs' for babies are often confused with hunger, as babies will start to root and may suck ferociously on a soother when tired. That is one reason I always recommend feeding a baby right after their nap, so that tired and hungry cues don't get confused .

Another problem for parents of toddlers and older children is dealing with bedtime stalling and tantrums. It is helpful for parents to give lots of advanced warning before bedtime, and then to have a very consistent routine before bed. Do the same relaxing things every night to help prepare children for sleep. And have the routine always end in their room. Some examples of this are a bath, reading books, and talking about their day. Get that last drink of water and bathroom visit out of the way *before* they're in bed, to avoid the excuses. And stick to your routine - caving in to requests for extra stories, etc. encourages them to keep stalling any way they can.

What is the most common mistake parents make with their babies?

The easiest mistake to make with babies, and I did this too with my first, is to rock or feed them to sleep. It may seem help in the short term, and parents of really fussy babies may understandably feel they have no choice,  but it leads to lots of night waking and short naps. This is because sleep comes in cycles - which is true for children and adults. We wake several times a night without even noticing because we know how to fall back to sleep on our own. When children are fed or rocked to sleep, they wake in the night and don't know how to fall back to sleep. So they cry for mom and dad several times a night, and may only nap for 20 to 45 minutes during the day. For babies to learn independent sleep skills they must be put down drowsy, but awake. Of course it's not always that simple, but watching very closely for those tired signs will go along way to help.

If you would like to speak to Michelle further regarding sleep, you can find her website at www.whispersweet.com . Or email her at info@whispersweet.com 

Lastly, if you would like us to post a segment on adult sleep, please comment. We would love to have Michelle back again.  

Sweet Dreams!