Over the last 10 years I have been trying to work out the best ways to have fun, stress-free birthdays for our four boys. Our challenge is that each of them share a month with another brother. Two have birthdays two days a part in August and two share the month of October. They are also VERY different kids! As a mom who gets overwhelmed very easy, I have needed to find ways to put on fun parties that don't cause major anxiety and tears...for all of us!
With my first son, I did as most moms of new babes do, and went all out! Lots of people, homemade and elaborate cakes and themes, destination birthdays, and lots of decorations. This year for his 11th birthday I have told him that it's all being toned down with a couple close friends and a fun activity at home. However, I still have three brothers behind him and frankly, I am tired. I dreaded the August birthdays this year. I was looking for ways to calm it all down and that's when this idea of sharing with you moms came to be. Maybe I can save one mom from birthday burn-out!
Here are a few things that I have incorporated into my birthday party planning to keep them fun and stress-free.
Five Things to Keep in Mind
1. Our kids will not remember every detail. Try to think back as early as you can and remember the details. Were the balloons the right colour, did your dress match your decorations, what games did you play? I could only remember three cakes and I think it is because there are photos that I have seen. I actually remember silly details like how bossy I was with my friends and special gifts that I received. With that in mind, ask yourself "What do you want your kids to remember, if they actually remember?" Are you stressing over details that will be totally forgotten? They WILL remember the good feelings, the love and the care that their mom had for them...but not the colour theme or whether the cake was homemade or not.2.It's one day.
If you are a mom who keeps sugary treats and trans fats at bay in your home, just relax for one day. Trust me, this is hard for me. I take very seriously how my kids eat and what their relationship with food looks like. We have some serious hereditary diseases that we do not want to be our boys' stories so we tend to be strict with pop and snacks. My oldest son was unfortunate to eat a sugar free cupcake on his first birthday. He hated it! So much for a cute "cake-on-on-your-face pic. By the time I got to our fourth son, I went straight to Duncan Hines. Was one day of processed cakes going to hurt him?
So with birthdays, I let it be the one day where we just relax and go for it. Chips, pop and candy? Do it up boys! One day is not going to kill them.
3. If you have multiple birthdays to plan, try to find ways to share decorations, cake supplies or activities. One year I made a Minecraft cake and a Mario Cart cake. Both required green icing and chocolate cookie crumbs. I was able to buy the good food colouring and use it on both cakes. Win! This year I made the August birthdays have Nerf guns included in the theme. The older boys, with the Pixel Gun 3D theme had a Nerf gun battle in the backyard with homemade barriers made from some free pallets and hockey nets and the younger Nerf themed party shot through homemade targets taped on the pallets. In case you think it was fancy, think again. I taped tissue paper from the previous party up on the pallets and drew circles on them. Lots of fun!
4. Ask friends to help. This year I wised up and asked a friend who has a house full of everything if I could borrow a square cookie cutter and a spatula for smoothing icing. She had them both!! If you have a neighbourhood Facebook group, ask there for cake molds, leftover decorations, balloons, or even someone to make a cake. I also ask friends for used gift ideas. One year we gave our oldest my husband's old iPod and this year we gave our second oldest a friend's old IPOD. Another person's junk could be your kids' treasure. They don't care if it's brand new if it is thoughtful. One of the few gifts I remember as a child was a used camera my grandpa got me. :) No one said the birthday gift had to be brand new.
5. Take pictures. This will be your child's memories. Take pictures of the joy in them playing with their friends, with their family and with YOU! What you think is cool now they may think is cheesy later so don't fuss over photos of the decor. Capture the people and the smiles!
Some Things I Have Learned
-kids just want to play with their friends- especially if they invite their school friends, who they probably don't get to free play with much. I over-planned my 10 year old's party last year and I ended up sick on the couch with my husband and his friend running the show. You know what my son remembers most? Running around the neighbourhood after the activities. Most of those friends had never been over before so he loved just having them in his world.This can make the house a bit more chaotic or messy so if that is too much for you then, by all means, go to a play place or plan the games. Do what works best for your comfort level.
-Have a tradition that the kids look forward to. I copied my friend Lindsay by putting up a special birthday banner for each birthday. Our boys know that when they wake up and come downstairs they will be met with the banner and balloons. I bought a reusable felt banner from Target before it sadly left Canada (still so sad). We also let the kids pick the supper for that day and we all pray a blessing over them at bedtime. If all else goes wrong in the day, they know these things will happen. They look forward to it.
-Bring back the good old games. Remember pin-the-tail, or hot potato? I tried those last year on a few birthdays and the kids loved them! I especially love the game where you wrap a prize in tonnes of wrapping paper and tape and the kids pass it around to music. When the music stops, the kid who has the gift unwraps as much as they can until the music starts. The person who gets to the treat gets to keep it. It's a good game for gathering everyone together before present opening.
-I like treat bags; just not ones full of junk. I hate Dollar store junk. My husband hates it more. Chances are the guests' parents do too. I usually let our boys pick out their favourite candy to give their friend and add in glow sticks (cuz everyone loves glow sticks!) or a themed gift that is unique. Kites, sidewalk chalk and bubbles are great gifts that I don't ever mind having around so I tend to give those too. I like treat bags because it teaches my kids about gratitude. They end their party saying thank-you and focusing on giving to their friend. I hope that instills a value of sending thank-you cards or gifts when they are older.
Do one thing really well and relax on the rest. I do cakes. I am not an elaborate fondant seven-layer, Michael's workshop type of cake maker but I do like to challenge myself to a creative cake. I usually bake the cakes during the day and take the evening to decorate while I watch a favourite show on Netflix and enjoy a fun beverage. Our family is very creative so we all enjoy what comes of it. My kids are super encouraging and always marvel at my attempts. I even tried to make Nintendo Wii remote cookies one year. They were so sad looking. One of the parents asked my son if he made them! All of the kids loved them though. That's all that mattered.
**Kids don't look through Pinterest and Instagram comparing decor like we do so their expectations are lower.**
Lastly, here is a secret >> Have your party in between meals so that you only have to provide a snack. If you like hosting and providing a meal is no issue for you then- awesome! (I love being fed at parties.) However, if you get easily overwhelmed and stressed or you are on a budget then just skip the meal. I had the August birthdays just after lunch and only provided chips and a veggie plate. They were so busy playing that they didn't mind. Keep the party no longer than 2 hours and all will be well. I actually tried an hour long party with my four year old and that was a bit stressful. There as not enough time for everything. Two hours is perfect for some playtime, an activity, cake and presents.
Remember that ultimately, kids want the people they love most to celebrate with them. They may fuss about wanting this and that but even if they don't get it, they will be happy with a fun time with their people. (If they don't then you have other issues to work on). What matters most is that they have a mom who is joyful and able to share in the fun, not stressing and grouching in the background. Keep it simple. Have fun.
I hope that some of the things that I have learned will help you to enjoy your birthday planning a bit more. Only you can decide what is best for your family. Don't let the social media world dictate what is a good party for your kids. Don't let comparison get in the way of the joy of celebrating your children. Again, they are not going to remember half of it anyway. Relax. Create your own traditions and quirks to your family and own it!
Is there anything else you want to know? Send me a message and we can cover that. Want to ask the Natural Mom community for ideas? Join us on our Facebook group and start a conversation.
I do this so that moms can feel supported and encouraged. I would love to continue on in this topic if it helps you.
Lastly, if you have some ideas to share or celebrate, send them to me through Instagram or Facebook and I would be glad to share them with everyone else.
Happy party planning!
