I know you have been struggling. I can see it in your face. You are feeling weary and hopeless. I heard you when you grumbled under your breath about life "before". I also heard you when you uttered to yourself about not being cut out for this.
Remember that job you struggled through; that challenged you every minute, with every new and old task? Remember how you grumbled about it and fantasized about leaving during meetings and remember how you had your mind made up that you just couldn't do it? Yah, and then remember how you did quit and well, felt better for only a short time? Remember how after you were gone, you looked back and realized the job wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time and how you really missed all the good things about it...and all the benefits to it?
Well, this is kind of like that...but not. You can't quit this job of parenting. This isn't a career. This is a life calling. You are right when you say you can't do it though. You can't do it alone. You are struggling right now because you are not relying on Jesus to carry you and teach you and humble you. Just like that job and many other jobs you quit, you are resisting the discomfort and pain that bring growth and character. However, if you just accepted the present discomfort; took joy in it because it is doing a work in you that is wonderful and eternal, then you would not be so weary.
You see, you bought into the lie that life is supposed to be easy and care-free and pain-free. You of all people, should know life is not pain-free. Yet, in this area of parenting, you are really digging in your heals. Girl, you got to let go of self. You have little ones who are depending on your selflessness and sacrifice so that they can grow into selfless and strong adults one day. You need to get over yourself, stop buying into the lie that life is about you. Stop complaining, stop grumbling and for goodness sake, stop your pouting. It's time to grow up little girl.
I am not trying to be mean to you but tell you the truth in love. The sooner you let go of your entitlement and selfishness, the happier and more fulfilled you will feel as a mom. Once you take joy in cleaning up little dishes, wiping bums and kissing boo-boos, you will feel freer than you ever have. Trust God with your desires. His Word says that if you give them to Him, He will take care of them for you. Admit that you are not capable of doing this job well on your own; but don't stop there. That is just defeat. There is victory in then asking the Lord for his help. He is waiting to help you. They are more his kids than yours. Don't you think he wants to give you all that you need to raise his kids up to love him and live for him well? Lastly, trust him. Trust that when you ask for his help that you have received it then walk in confidence. If you make a mistake, which you will, remember that He is bigger than that and will make it work for your good and for the good of those who love Him.
You are right. Being an adult is not what you imagined. The responsibility is down right hard some days. Now that you have faced that, put on your big girl panties and make the best of it. People all around you are every day. You can do it. You can grow up right here. It's never too late. Okay? Okay. I love you. I believe in you. We can do this Momma. It's going to be alright.