Social Media. It’s only been a part of my life for the last 11 years but it’s hard to even remember life before it. As a very social person, I love that it allows me to stay in contact with my groups of friends from the different stages of my life. I also love the inspiration I get from other people. There are so many creative and smart people out there that I get to learn and glean from. However, if I am going to allow social media into my life, I also need to evaluate what ugly stuff it brings out in me. I admit that it can feed my struggle with gossip, comparison and envy. There are times when I know that I am not valuing the person that I am spectating and will unfollow them until my heart is right. I also continually ask myself the question in regards to envy, “Do you really want that for your life? Would you really choose that for yourself?” Often the answer is “no” so I reject the lie that I need what they have and allow myself to enjoy and celebrate with them.
One thing that reared it’s head today, and this is me being super transparent here, is the struggle to want to portray a facade. I was listening to a cool song, enjoying the moment of my kids actually getting along and me having a good hair day. My thought was, “I need to post this.” Now, there is nothing wrong with sharing our good moments or good hair days. However, digging deeper the question asked was “why”. Why do you need to post it? What is your purpose? Who is the post aimed at? That question brought me to the place of rejection and feelings of not fitting it in that I have lived with for all my life. A feeling that I am sure all of us have felt at one time in our life. The post was for the boys that rejected me, including the first husband of my youth who wanted someone else. The post was for the girls that I felt like I could never be cool enough to be friends with. The post was for the lies that I believed in the numerous fashion magazines I read as a teen. Those lies that I just wasn’t quite enough. The next question was,”So you post it. Will it really do what you want it to do? Will it really prove that you are cool, beautiful, a good mom, someone who has it together?” Here’s my answer. Maybe it will fool a few people for a few days. Maybe it will fool someone enough to make them think they don’t have it together and then they start on a long insecure train of posting their “perfect life”. Maybe it will look good but will it prove anything to me? Will it make me feel beautiful, together, cool? Do I even have to be those things? What is really going to bring me joy and peace? Cuz that’s what I really want here. Is this where my value is going to come from? No. My value is in who God says I am. He says I am precious and worth dying for. That’s better than a ❤️ or a 👍🏻. So instead, I’m going to just enjoy this moment of good music, good hair and nice kids. Just for me. And I’m going to tell myself, “ You’re one cool Mother with some great hair today”, and I will thank my Lord for a great moment of showing me the goodness in my life. I will thank the Holy Spirit for opening my eyes to the truth in the midst of facades and images. I will accept the value I have already been given and carry on with my day.